by Jennifer A. Miskov, Ph.D.
The following are 10 things I have learned in my own journey of singleness that I want to pass on to all of the ladies in waiting. I say “Ladies in Waiting” not because you are sitting around waiting for your prince charming, but because you are waiting on the Lord for all things, including the release of your husband. I hope and pray you are encouraged by some of the things God has revealed to me that have strengthened me in this particular journey of the heart. Not in any particular order…
1. God Will Give Us “All Things”
If the Father did not even spare His one and only Son because of His great and awesome love for us, how will He not also meet our every need and desire and give us all things, including our life partner at the right time (Romans 8:32).
2. Seek Him First and “All These Things” will be Added Unto You
God knows the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37). He will satisfy us just how we need to be met as we continue to seek Him first above all things (Matthew 6:33).
3. He works out “All Things” for our Good
Every broken relationship, risk taken, and broken heart God promises to turn around for the good of those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). Allow the Lord to transform the hard times from the past to strengthen and prepare you for your future relationship.
4. He is the Author of our Relationships
It is God who stirs up and awakens love in it’s time (Song of Songs 3:5). He removes the veil and causes worlds to intersect in His perfect timing as we keep our eyes on Him and run after Him with everything. It is the Lord who opens or closes the doors of our hearts (Revelation 3). If the Lord is opening our hearts towards each other, no one can stop this. If it’s not the Lord, there’s not much we can really do to make something happen if He’s not leading us in it.
5. What God Joins Together Let No Man Take Apart
When it is God who does the joining together, there is no need to strive. If both people are actively seeking the Lord and He is leading them to each other, it will be an anointed journey. This does not mean it never gets hard but it means that there will be an abundance of grace for each other because God is the one who is at work doing the uniting. There are also times when God is not clear but as we step out and risk towards following our hearts, He makes it clear in His timing.
6. Don’t Go Anywhere without His Peace and His Presence
The journey into the heart is a wild and dangerous adventure. It is important to “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life (Proverbs 4:23 NLT).” Just as Moses was not willing to enter into his destiny if God’s presence did not go with him, so must we be courageous to enter into the depths and crevices of another’s heart only when God’s presence and peace is with us there (Exodus 33). We must align our lives with Him and be led by His Spirit above all other emotions and feelings.
7. It's Not “Either Or”, it’s “Both and More”
Because of Ephesians 3:20 and God’s promise to bless us exceedingly abundantly above all we could ever ask, hope, dream or imagine, we don’t have to choose between someone we are attracted to but who lacks character versus someone we are not attracted to but are one in spirit with. I believe God wants us to have “both and more” all in the one He chooses to give us. He wants us to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually attractive to each other. Don’t ever settle for silver when you’re destiny is gold. God doesn’t want us just to be partnered together for a life of ministry but He also wants us to be so in love with each other that our love displays His glory to the world. Don’t marry the person you can live with, marry the person you can’t live without. Marry the person who inspires you to greatness, who stirs you to dive deeper into the heart of God. And be that same inspiration to them.
8. You Can't Say the Wrong Thing to the Right Person
If this is the one God has for you, no awkward conversations can deter that. If you are following the leading of the Holy Spirit and remaining open, there’s not a lot that can stop the momentum of God’s heart coming your way. Be patient and remember that God only has good things for you. Keep your heart yielded to Him. Remain open to receive all He has and is waiting to pour out on you in His timing. The process towards marriage is like Michelangelo discovering the David in the block of stone. As we take risks towards following our hearts, we are discovering something that is already there and destined to become. We are finding a hidden treasure in the other that God has buried long ago.
9. Rejection is Redirection
When you follow your heart, become vulnerable, and risk and the other person does not feel the same way, take the time you need to grieve the loss of what was hoped for and then move on. Rejection is just redirection and it means you are one step closer to discovering the person God has for you. When someone doesn’t choose you back all it means is that God is protecting you from giving your heart to anyone who is not going to be married to you. Clarity and rejection is so much better than fear of rejection because then you can move forward and out of the realm of fantasy into the reality of being prepared for an actual relationship. Celebrate the fact that you were willing to live from your heart and take a risk. You are now one step closer to the real thing with greater wisdom to take with you on the journey.
10. Diamond Rings
When you go to a jewelry store and look at the diamond rings, there will be one that stands out to you above all others. There will be one that is just the right fit for you, your personality, and style. One that you feel you could wear forever. This does not mean all the other diamond rings are ugly or have no value; it simply means they are just not the right fit for you. Just because one person does not feel called to align the rest of their lives with yours, that does not change the fact that you are amazing, beautiful, and unconditionally loved (Ephesians 1). It simply means it was just not the right fit and there is a better fit out there. No matter who reciprocates your love or who does not, you are still amazing. When you are rooted in God’s love, nothing can change your value and worth. Never forget who’s you are and that no matter what happens, you are awesome and beautiful in every way.
God is so for you and already at work behind the scenes to bring you into an even greater measure of abundance as you trust in Him (John 2). You are amazing and so loved because of His great love for you. As you feast on God’s goodness and pursue Him with everything inside of you, may He release alignments from heaven and may this part of your destiny be better than you could ever hope, dream, or imagine.
To read similar articles around this subject see:
The Gift of Singleness (If you struggle to trust God in this area and always have to be dating someone)
Action Dating (If you are ready for marriage and need encouragement to begin risking)